20050916

i tell myself its no big deal.
its just an exam, just to test ur ability.
that's all, right?

i screwed up my scales.
i screwed up my pieces.
i screwed up my sightreading.
i FLUNKED MY DAMN AURAL.

tell me, how on earth do i pass?
or even get a merit.
i cant help it.
i come out of that exam room, stunned at how badly i did.
i didnt say a word, my face just petrified with fear and my fingers trembling.
i looked for my mum, who was talking on the fone at the stairway.
we walked down the stairs,
and all the while i didnt say a word until my mum finished talking to the fone.

then, i just couldnt help it.
i burst out into tears,
and my tears trickled down my cheeks in a really horrible manner.
I COULD NOT BELIEVE HOW BADLY I DID.
i mean, did i not put in enough effort?
i practised 2 hours a day, praying just for my exam to go well.
i cried twice just thinking of what would happen to me if i screwed the exam.
and tell me, what did i get?

please tell me why i have to endure so much stress.
i dont feel like living.

my cheeks are stained with tears.